Newborn 101 - Déjà Vu

My, oh my, how I have forgotten the basics of mothering.

For instance:

If you leave the house for a few minutes, you need to remember to take several diapers, a hefty supply of wipes, a blanket, and a backup outfit for the baby.

If you leave the house for more than an hour, you need all of the above and a backup outfit for yourself, and one for your husband as well.

As a rule, you have to prepare for the unimaginable as it really is more likely than you'd think once you add in the newborn variable.

As a nursing mother, you can't just eat whatever you want. Broccoli and cabbage and beans are likely to keep you up at night from all of the gas your newborn will then have to pass.

Babies are like puppies. Once you take one out in public, you frequently will find yourself the center of attention.

Moral of the story: The second child is a bit like riding a bike after a long absence. You fall over the first few times and look stupid (or get covered in smelly bodily functions), but eventually it comes back to you.

Do you know what you're having?

An interesting conversation came up at my book club the other night regarding the sex of your baby. Even though we live in America and women's rights have come a long way in the past hundred years, people in general tend to have a more positive reaction when you announce you are having a baby boy than a baby girl. It almost feels like we're in China and just screwed the whole family out of a male heir when we announce it's a girl. Clearly not to the same extent, but there are some people who still feel that way and aren't afraid to say so.

Alone, we might not have ever realized how differently people react to the sex of your baby, but once we sat down and shared our experiences it was pretty clear. Now that I am having a boy, I'm getting a lot of comments about how we can be finished now that we have one of each. Everyone is so happy for us to have the perfect pair --a boy and a girl. Like that is the ideal and everybody's dream for their family. But is it?

Another mom in book club just had a second baby girl. Someone actually told her they were sorry to hear that she was having another girl. Here I am thinking about how fun it would be for Ada to have a little sister that she could be close to and then I hear about someone apologizing to this mom for having a second girl. Seriously? What happened to just congratulating the mom on having a baby and hoping it's healthy?

I'm guilty of making comments like, "Wow, that's a lot of testosterone for one house." when I meet a mom with three boys. Not because I don't like little boys but because I think women tend to have it easier when the have a little girl to balance out the chaos and energy that tends to come with boys (read: little devils). It's stereotyping, I know. I admit it. But I'm not about to go telling someone that I'm sorry they didn't get a boy out of the deal. That's crap.

I'm really amazed at how excited everyone is for me to have a baby boy. And even more so because I have a little girl. The checkout woman at the grocery store was so excited and congratulated me profusely. An elderly man at the pharmacy congratulated me and then suggested it was time to "shut down the factory" since "babies are expensive". It's the American dream and I don't even know how lucky I am, apparently. Now I have someone to carry on the family name. I've never even thought of it that way. I'm just thankful to be able to have kids.

With Ada, I found a lot of people asked me what sex I wanted. It didn't really matter to me but I thought she was a boy. When we found out she was a girl, I had to mentally transition to having a girl. Then with BB, I though he was a girl and was excited that Ada might get a little sister since the idea of a sister appeals to me since I had a brother and the grass is always greener on the other side(sharing clothes, having that sister bond). Since he's a boy, I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm really just hoping he is as easy as she was even though I doubt we can be that lucky.

And then there is the whole debate of "if he was a little girl, would you have a third to try for a boy?" I'm not sure how I feel about this logic. I think a lot of parents use the fact that they want one of each sex to determine how many kids they have up to a certain point and then they give up. I can honestly say I don't think it would have encouraged me to have a third child, but I can see how it might for some people. It's just interesting to me to think about how the sex of your baby can have so much influence on if you have another or how the success of a pregnancy is perceived. You can always want a girl, but be happy if you get a boy, and vice versa. I can't imagine that some people aren't happy if they get the opposite of what they wanted. My mom taught me to be happy with either as long as they were healthy. I think that is some solid advice.

Moral of the story: Be prepared for a wide range of reactions when announcing the sex of your baby. You never know what some people will say.

Another Friendly Stranger

Ada and I were waiting near the checkout counter at Sports Authority last week while Rick was picking out a new fall coat when all of a sudden, Ada made a new friend.

I don't think this happens all that often for most parents as I assume most children are more shy than my social butterfly. Surprisingly, by age two, I've just come to accept this as normal for her.

As I'm watching her run around the checkout area of the store and burn off some energy (better than her diving under clothing racks every three seconds in this merchandise flooded store), there is a man in his late twenties, early thirties at the checkout counter with his girlfriend. He notices Ada and starts dancing to the music over the intercom. It was how I imagine a dance scene in High School Musical the movie would be. Complete with jazz hands and jumping and waving your arms. He was seriously into it. Ada, being the little dancing bug that she is, didn't even know what to make of it so she laid on the ground on her back and threw her legs in the air, to which he responded with "Now shake your legs in the air." It was beyond hilarious. Something tells me this guy is really one of the blue men from Blue Man Group (the theater is only a block from the store we were in) because I think you'd have to be a performer to put on that kind of show at the front of a sporting goods store.

Moral of the story: You never know who your kid will befriend on a random shopping trip. Just keep your eyes open and your spidey sense on high alert for stranger danger.