Why I hate my wardrobe... but am thankful for it anyway

Warning: This has little to do with Ada, unless you count her standing in front of the mirror whenever I'm trying to check out my outfit.

I've always hated my wardrobe. I've always considered myself fashionably inept (compared to Audrey Hepburn okay, not Paris Hilton.) Just recently, or maybe constantly for the past several years if you ask my husband since I'm in denial, my wardrobe issues have escalated since:
1.) my size keeps fluctuating --pregnant/not pregnant/post pregnant belly/not prgnant but feeling round in the middle/and hopefully buff once again, someday-- and I must say I have a much better appreciation for anyone dealing with weight issues and dieting. Gesh!
1.5) my bust size keeps changing... not pregnant, pregnant, nursing, weaning, not nursing/not pregnant. And then the whole depressing issue of having your chest be smaller than your belly from the side view. Sigh.
2.) my wardrobe budget feels non-existent some days and pathetic others. I just don't want to spend my money on clothes.
3.) my shoe size keeps changing so I have a crappy shoe selection to go with my clothes that I do have that do fit (thank God for my neighbor Kelly who is my same shoe size or close enough to it that her shoes work -- and she has a gazillion so that helps-- though she can never move away from me.)
4.) I don't really like shopping, am less than talented at accessorizing and my skills are limited when pulling an outfit together -- but can't afford a personal shopper or wardrobe consultant at this point in my life.
5.) my style is basic, boring, and unexciting. I try to be classic and conservative but I am in need a few pieces with panache to spice things up. (I'm thankful that Kelly has a ton of accessories for me to borrow too.)
6.) I'm 30 and a mom. I'm trying to dress my new age and not look like a frumpy "mom" in mom jeans up to my ribs or sweats with food stains all over my chest and sleeves (from Ada of course). And trying not to look like someone from the eighties--but it seems like those styles are coming back in again??? I'm not going to tight roll my mom jeans no matter what the style mavens say!
7.) I don't have time to shop or have a shop-tasticly talented shopper girlfriend in the city to shop with.
8.) being a woman makes fashion infinitely more challenging than it is for a man. Men(mostly) don't have the option of high heels or flats, pants or skirt, capris or cropped, mini, pencil or a-line?
9.) I just learned black purses could have a season... now I know patent leather is really more appropriate for the colder months...
10.) and sales tax in the city is 11%. I'd rather go naked and get laughed at.

I do feel lucky to have this problem for a few reasons, for which I am incessantly thankful:
1.) Rick's really supportive and helpful and honest (which is a good thing unless you really just want him to lie), but he's not a fashionista and will occasionally just agree with me so that we get out of the house on time swearing that "no one will even notice anyway."
2.) at least I have clothes, and clothing options.
3.) at least I have shoes, and shoe options.
4.) at least I have boobs, even if they change size frequently and I have to buy more bras.
5.) at least I have hair, even though I didn't even cover that in my first list of drama. I don't ever do much with my hair so it doesn't cause too much trouble-- I'm extra thankful for that.
6.) at least I have money to buy clothes and shoes and stuff to feel fashionable.
7.) and at least I have friends who let me borrow their stuff and only laugh about me in private.

Thank goodness.

So until I'm blessed with so much money that I've already saved all of the world's problems and rescued humanity from all evil, I'll just do my best to try to look good and avoid public nudity at all costs. For those of you dealing with similar issues, we can always move to small towns in the middle of nowhere where noone cares about fashion much at all and if you got it from Wal-mart, it "looks good".