Monday, April 14, 2008

11 Advice To Baby, or Not To Baby

This is a huge slap across the face to anyone you’ve ever known who thinks having a baby will SAVE their marriage. Hello! WTF . Wake up people. This comes to me in light of hearing a newly divorced gentlemen say “I think we’d still be together if we had kids.” And from having friends and relatives say “I was trying to get pregnant right before we split up to save the marriage.” WHAT??? Can someone explain to me how that’s supposed to work?

A strong marriage takes work. It’s a full time job. So is having a job. And having a baby is the equivalent of three full time jobs. So how does that add up?

I must say that I am amazed on a daily basis as to how single mothers, teenagers, women here from foreign countries without family to help them out, and low income families do it. As I ask this question over and over, everyone keeps telling me “You do what you’ve got to do.”

Don’t get me wrong here. Being a parent is the coolest thing ever, but it is the hardest job I’ve ever had. I feel so blessed to have a strong marriage, family within two hours from us and willing to help out, friends willing to babysit and tolerate our screaming baby at brunch on Sundays. I’m also thankful to have found a few local mom networks that have been a great resource for answering the everyday questions that a new mom faces.

So what about the job of parent appeals to people in a relationship crisis? I want to know if there is some sort of biological reason that this happens to people because I can’t figure it out. Do people just think babies come out like a little cupid shooting love darts at everyone they see and magically repairing marriages and relationships?

And if I happen to be hitting too close to home for anyone… can someone please explain why this happens? Why did you do it? What motivates someone to want to bring a child into a crap relationship voluntarily? Or do they not even consider the consequences and just hope that a baby will wash away their failures and make everything better? If you aren’t in love anymore – will a baby change that? If you fight about money and finances to begin with as most couples do, it surely won’t help since NEWS FLASH This just in… babies are expensive.

The only thing I can think of is that a baby would cause a distraction long enough to maybe iron out your differences. But chances of that working are slim and short lived. Babies can live to be 100 these days. Would it be worth it to be connected to a bad relationship for the rest of your life? I think not. But bless those who do get pregnant before they have a chance to read this or get talked out of it by a good friend.

Moral of the story: Pregnancy does not a relationship save.

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